1.Go to the bathroom. You may find it comfortable to sit in soiled clothing. Some people even use their warm urine to keep them warm. It's perfectly fine when you're in your home but surprisingly, people don't take a liking to large wet/discolored areas on your pants. In fact they may be a bit offended and they might even hang up or worse. Unfriend you on Facebook. Yeah it's that bad.
2. Blow your nose. Sometimes boogers can be attractive or even a nice conversation starter at a bar. "Hey, I think you have a booger hanging from your facial area." "Oh thanks" Next thing you know you're on your way to make-out city. Although, on Skype, the rules are different. If you have a booger on your face, chances are that the person you're talking to will be like "That's disgusting." and they will most likely hang up. Also, if you don't have a booger hanging out of your nose but you feel one WAAAAY up there, don't pick it.
3. Put clothes on (unless you're naked Skyping but that's just awkward). If you're Skyping a friend that might make them feel uncomfortable. This is a pretty obvious thing so I'm going to list the exceptions to this rule. You are a nudist. You are opposed to towels and you just took a shower so you're "air-drying". You want your friend to feel uncomfortable. You like the air. You are homeless and you don't have clothes.
4. Homework. Chances are you have homework when you get on Skype. However, I have tried many times to go onto Skype and continue to work on homework. It doesn't work. Every single time, I become less and less focused on Geometry and more focused on the person who I'm Skyping that has no clothes on, is wiggling around (aka the potty dance), and has a giant booger dangling from their nose.
5. Clean your surroundings. Nobody wants to see thousands of orange peels or a giant water bottle full of spoiled chocolate milk. That's nasty. I also don't want to see your undergarments when I'm speaking to you directly. It makes me uncomfortable.
6. Write a well written, well planned list of talking points that you would like to touch on. This is an important one. You must have a very structured conversation at all times. If at any point there is a silence during your conversation hang up immediately. Your conversational partner will appreciate you caring for their attention span.
7. Put on lot's of make-up. It will help you avoid looking washed out and pale. Better yet, if you can get a spray tan or fake tanning lotion, you will look like Lourdes Queen of the Oranges. She's beautiful. You will get nothing but compliments from your Skype friend and your really life friends.
8. Make sure that you are on speaking terms with your Skyping buddy. If you are at all doubtful of this, immediately turn off your computer and run to the bathroom. Make sure to put on extra makeup and then go back onto your computer. If the correct amount of make-up has been applied, your buddy will laugh and you will immediately be speaking again.
9. Make certain your computer has a camera. If no camera is present attach a mirror and begin talking to that, if you can't see your Skyping Buddy, chances are they have the same problem. Tell them to put attach a mirror to their computer and BOOM Skype.
10. This is the most important rule of all, do not floss your teeth before you get on. People find it endearing when you have lettuce stuck in your teeth. If you take out the lettuce, it will cost them the chance to see what a nice color your gums are compared to the green leafy vegetable.
I just saved you so much embarrassment from Skype. You're welcome.
Thank you, peopleofwalmart.com!
